I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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