I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
