there's paper in my vomit.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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