is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
