Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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