It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize