what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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