no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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