She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
