so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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