I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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