the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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