I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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