did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
