I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
