Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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