thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
