Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
