he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
