I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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