he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
