I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
