I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
