My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
