There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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