Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
