What did we do last night that was yellow?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize