why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
