Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
