Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize