i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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