i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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