even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
