just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I will pee on everything he values.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
