thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
