Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and she was petting her beer can
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize