So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
