let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
