my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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