you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think people are normalizing furries
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
