My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
