Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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