I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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