Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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