I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
