At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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