toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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