So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Found the puke drawer
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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