Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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