He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
