We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
