Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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