I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize