so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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