one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your cock deserves a montage
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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