i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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