my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
