We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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