WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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