he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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