There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
