the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
