I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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